what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
