I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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