she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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