I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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