Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Couch. On fire.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
