At least make sure they are 18
Why
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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