I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
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I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
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Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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