im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize