you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
