Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
