I will die if light touches me.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
