The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
