Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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