i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
did i walk over a car last night?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Randomize
