Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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