somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
