whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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