I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
