I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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