i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
that is very illegal...i love you.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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