my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
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Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
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I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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