what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
