Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
