i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
