Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Dicks are not precious.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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