using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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