I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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