My room smells like vodka and shame
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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