I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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