I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
