i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
