2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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