so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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