The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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