I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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