I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
