Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
