im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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