Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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