That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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