Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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