you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
you made out with another girl for some wings
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
