Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
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I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
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This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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