My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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