Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Randomize
