Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
