I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize