remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
