stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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