And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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