How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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