we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
