You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
