the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
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I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
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First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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