I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
