So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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