I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize