lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
