I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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