I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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